Today i had a new ET child. ET as in educational therapy, not extra-terrestrial. He is to replace my other ET child (whom i endearingly called my little spitter, for obvious reasons) on my friday mornings. Both are diagnosed with ASD, i.e. Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

My new kid is probably easier to work with after my previous one who had alot of problem behaviours that can be dangerous to himself and others (e.g. throwing a chair). Somedays my hair would stand because i put on my "alert" mode for all possible behaviours that he could exhibit, spitting being the least dangerous. Actually i was making some progress with him when the mother decided to take him out of school because she doesn't have time to bring him for the weekly half hour session. It wasn't easy trying to be understanding to his mother because i felt her priorities were, how should i say, "skewed". It seemed frivolous to take a child out of the only available therapy he is receiving and which he badly needed because she would not ask for half hour time off on fridays from working part time at her sister's. And this was just as he was getting settled down and improvement, however minute, was made after a long tedious process.

To be honest, i know i lack in empathy towards certain adults, which made my difficulty with working with parents much more apparent. My first and foremost responsibility and priority would always to be for the child. I can and will sympathize with parents who have problems. In fact i would do anything within my ability if a parent was to have genuine need for help. This is because we need parents to be well to help the child and family. But how do one explain that there are parents who would not put their child first (more so if the child has been adopted). I find myself unable to condone or even remain objective when i meet such parents. Needless to say, i have become more emotionally involved than i am suppose to. But it is difficult not to be emotionally involved at all for me, i really can't help it.

Back to my new kid, on the contrary, i doubt i will have much problem working with the child because in terms of behaviour, he is definitely more managable. However, i foresee that i will probably have some teething problems with his parents. Compared with my last parent, they are actually very "on the ball" regarding their child. He is already on many other therapies outside of school and has a fully set-up structure at home for him. In fact, my pressure does not come from an inactive parent, but over protective ones. One that doubt my ability to perform, doubt the school's program, doubt that the child could benefit any more on top all the other therapies he goes to. I felt that there was a high expectation for me to conform to do what they think it is best for their child because they are so "knowledgable". But as i said, it could be teething problems. I have no doubt that i have something to teach or help this child in, and i would need to let the parents see that. However, if they want to take him out of school because my services are not "value added", i would not feel any qualms about it because i know this child would receive all the help he needs from these parents. If he does not take the slot, other child with more needs will.

Two children, both autistic and two different families, two different attitudes. Sometimes i wonder how will i ever learn to cope with all these differences. It is challenging and my own prejudices and being opiniated could get in the way. I guess i have never been the accepting sort. I admit i need more patience with some parents, my only problem is how i can do that.

Life is unfair, especially to a disabled child. I know i will never be able to "right the wrongs" for them which is why it is so hard when parents get in the way as well. It is both sad and exasperating.

So i asked myself: "what can i do?"...